If you make it through this post, then you are an AVID reader.

You know, for a long time this blog has been rather lighthearted. It has been somewhat shallow, and frivolous. I've told you about the random things I do, and the random things I've done, and my pet peeves. And if that is enough for you, then you can, with a clear conscience, click the little "x" in the corner of this window, and continue on knowing that, after this post, I will return to that.

But right now, I need to be a little more honest.

I could tell you about how most of what I do and say I do and say because that would continue the image of myself that I portray to the world. And that would be true. But that is not what makes me unique; we all do that. We show what we want people to see, we hide what we don't want them to know. To be honest, I got so good at that image that I totally forgot who I was.

It's been almost 2 years since I came home from my mission. And it's been a great 2 years - fun, and educational, and stable. And it has taken me this long to come to terms with a few things.

First, that my mission was one of the hardest, most humiliating, most awful experiences of my life. I am not ashamed of that; I did it, I did it well, I finished, and I'm proud of it.

Second, that it was the best thing that I ever did. I gained more from those years than any other period of time in my life combined. And multiplied by a power of 5. I gained friends, and skills, and I learned the art of self-control.

But see, that's where the third part comes in.

I got so good at the self control thing that I forgot what I really am - what makes me unique and worthwhile.

I live honestly and passionately.


I learned to kill my passions, my blunt honesty, and my inability to let things I see as wrong pass me by without standing up for what I believe in order to be more likable - to get into people's houses and teach them what I had promised to teach.

Over the past few months, I have rediscovered those passions. That honesty.

I am kind. But I will not let others walk over me. I am compassionate, but I will not let pettiness or unfair judgement transpire in my presence.

I know what I think, i know what I feel, and I know why I think and feel those ways. I like most people, but some people I don't. I will not humor social customs or polite society if it means smothering the fire for life that has been smoldering in me for 3 years.

Because 3 years ago, on easter, I let it almost die out. And now? I see no better way to honor the triumph of the man I believe to be the Son of God than to live my life with all the vigor that he has blessed me.

"So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."


So here I go. Watch me burn. Watch me freeze. Just don't expect me to be lukewarm.