A million years ago, in a different lifetime, I lived in Armenia. Lived is a generous term; I survived there for a few months. That debacle is a story for another time.
One of my first visits to anyone in Armenia was to a lovely, tiny woman who owned a glass-walled fruit and vegetable stand. After arriving, it became dark, so I felt like I was on a stage in the lit, freezing cold hut. I mentioned to my companion that nature was calling - so she kindly expressed that to the shack owner in Armenian.
The two of them stood up, exited the shack, and the tiny woman placed a bucket full of sand and hay in the middle of the floor. They turned off the lights, stood outside, and turned their backs on me.
It dawned on me what was expected. I smiled, being a veteran of receiving myself in inopportune moments. After removing my many layers, I squatted over the bucket and took care of business, watched only by over-ripe persimmons and a small basket of knitting.
After the bucket had been removed, and we were sitting again, the tiny woman noticed how cold I was. She offered to knit me a thick, wool underskirt and a sweater. I acquiesced, and we made our way home through the ice and grime encrusted streets.
Over the next few weeks, I watched my projects take shape - a thick, soft wool of deep maroon was the chosen color. The skirt was finished first - a 1/2 inch thick, rib knit sweater for my legs. I wore that thing EVERY DAY.
The sweater came later. It was cabled, and had lovely buttons that matched the yarn. It also had a hood, that was slightly pointed.
The truth is, I never really used that sweater. I've kept it - safely, happily, but never really worn it. All the 1st world factory made piece of crap clothing has come in and out of my closet, sometimes barely making it one or two washes before needed to be retired.
Now that I'm once again, living in a cold country in a building without heat (or, in this case, without AFFORDABLE heat), I find myself wearing this sweater on a daily basis.
And OH MY GOSH IS IT WARM. And snuggly, and well made.
I'm finding myself reminiscing for a time when things were are hand built, handmade, and valued. Not these $5 leggings that last for 2 weeks before a seam splits or the fabric goes see-through - but real, hand woven fabric with girth and warmth and soul. I'm finding I'm wishing for a fireplace to keep me warm - something that can be fuelled by by own labour, each day, rather than bleeding at the end of each month for stuffy, soul-less warmth. I find I'm wishing for a garden, and a loom, and time to sit and knit on my porch. Time to understand the value of good, beautiful things, and time to create them.
I find I'm feeling nostalgic for a time that I haven't lived in; craving a lifestyle I've never known.
I guess for now, I've got the sweater, right?
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Ain't nobody got time for that!
You know, ever since this gem of a video:
My brain has made a pastime of interrupting me. I'll be doing some necessary, but menial task, and all of a sudden, Sweet Brown is in my head like:
Yeah. So here is a list of the top 10 things, for which I ain't got time.
10) Wearing new clothes to the dog park everyday. I take my dog to the dog park EVERY DAY. And every day, there are dogs there. (Shocker, I know!) Dogs that are well behaved, dogs that aren't, puppies, hyper dogs, jumpy dogs….. and at least once every day, I get some dirty front paws placed on either my shorts or my shirt. So….. I ain't got time to look like a freaking fashion plate at the dog park. I'm going to wear the SAME shorts and SAME shirt every day. Deal with it.
9) Have a clean, spot-free bathroom mirror. Yeah…. I own a waterpik. It is a device that looks like this:
whose purpose is to shoot pressurized water at and through your teeth and gums, to remove particles and biofilm. I LOVE MY WATERPIK. There is nothing like it in this world or the next, and if heaven doesn't have a waterpik, I don't want to be there.
Anyway, I digress. Did you hear the part about PRESSURIZED WATER? Yeah. There will always be spots on my mirror. And I don't give a flying freak.
8) Immigration paperwork. To be specific, immigration paperwork in which I have to put down every address at which I lived from the time I turned 18 until now.
Do you even know what that entails?
My theory is that if you actually finish the paperwork, you just need to submit - and the status is yours. If you're willing to jump through that many hoops, then you deserve permanent residency.
7) Lathering, rinsing, AND repeating. Yeah….. I think I pretty notoriously hate washing myself. In my defense, you would too if you had skin drier than the Atacama (see what I did there? Mentioned the driest desert in the world? That's my degree kicking in there….. 7 years of University; ain't nobody got time for that.) So those three words? Pick two. That's what you get. Usually rinsing and repeating.
6) Updating my devices. WHY. I like things the way they are. Why can't you just automatically update in my sleep??
5) Having a real, thought out meal more than 3 times per week. Since coming to manage this property, Norman and I have had at least 1 night a week that is completely ruined by someone with a NON EMERGENCY knocking on our door for our help. So much so that I have now have a sign on there that reads:
"Friendly reminder: Please do not knock on this door before 9:00 AM or after 5:00 PM unless there is an EMERGENCY. An emergency consists of:
-Fire
-Floor
-Injury
-Imminent Danger"
Yeah. I'm that lady now.
4) Folding my laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer. Actually, me and Norman are POOR - like, potatoes and pasta poor - but I send my laundry out. Deal with it.
3) Forgetting my keys. I do this even when I have a key bowl. One of Norman's main functions in my life is a living key holder.
2) Getting gas. This one always irks me. Hence, why instead of children, Norman and I are planning on having a dog and a Tesla. Instead of babies.
1) Maintaining relationships with people who just have a passing interest in my life, but due to some former closeness, thinks they deserve to know all about me. It's just, so 5 years ago. ;-)
My brain has made a pastime of interrupting me. I'll be doing some necessary, but menial task, and all of a sudden, Sweet Brown is in my head like:
Yeah. So here is a list of the top 10 things, for which I ain't got time.
10) Wearing new clothes to the dog park everyday. I take my dog to the dog park EVERY DAY. And every day, there are dogs there. (Shocker, I know!) Dogs that are well behaved, dogs that aren't, puppies, hyper dogs, jumpy dogs….. and at least once every day, I get some dirty front paws placed on either my shorts or my shirt. So….. I ain't got time to look like a freaking fashion plate at the dog park. I'm going to wear the SAME shorts and SAME shirt every day. Deal with it.
9) Have a clean, spot-free bathroom mirror. Yeah…. I own a waterpik. It is a device that looks like this:
whose purpose is to shoot pressurized water at and through your teeth and gums, to remove particles and biofilm. I LOVE MY WATERPIK. There is nothing like it in this world or the next, and if heaven doesn't have a waterpik, I don't want to be there.
Anyway, I digress. Did you hear the part about PRESSURIZED WATER? Yeah. There will always be spots on my mirror. And I don't give a flying freak.
8) Immigration paperwork. To be specific, immigration paperwork in which I have to put down every address at which I lived from the time I turned 18 until now.
Do you even know what that entails?
My theory is that if you actually finish the paperwork, you just need to submit - and the status is yours. If you're willing to jump through that many hoops, then you deserve permanent residency.
7) Lathering, rinsing, AND repeating. Yeah….. I think I pretty notoriously hate washing myself. In my defense, you would too if you had skin drier than the Atacama (see what I did there? Mentioned the driest desert in the world? That's my degree kicking in there….. 7 years of University; ain't nobody got time for that.) So those three words? Pick two. That's what you get. Usually rinsing and repeating.
6) Updating my devices. WHY. I like things the way they are. Why can't you just automatically update in my sleep??
5) Having a real, thought out meal more than 3 times per week. Since coming to manage this property, Norman and I have had at least 1 night a week that is completely ruined by someone with a NON EMERGENCY knocking on our door for our help. So much so that I have now have a sign on there that reads:
"Friendly reminder: Please do not knock on this door before 9:00 AM or after 5:00 PM unless there is an EMERGENCY. An emergency consists of:
-Fire
-Floor
-Injury
-Imminent Danger"
Yeah. I'm that lady now.
4) Folding my laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer. Actually, me and Norman are POOR - like, potatoes and pasta poor - but I send my laundry out. Deal with it.
3) Forgetting my keys. I do this even when I have a key bowl. One of Norman's main functions in my life is a living key holder.
2) Getting gas. This one always irks me. Hence, why instead of children, Norman and I are planning on having a dog and a Tesla. Instead of babies.
1) Maintaining relationships with people who just have a passing interest in my life, but due to some former closeness, thinks they deserve to know all about me. It's just, so 5 years ago. ;-)
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Being a Diva Bitch Really Isn't That Easy
So! Here we are. Norman and I have embarked on the next phase of our life. We have relocated to Victoria, BC - the capitol of British Columbia! - and are currently employed as property managers.
Now, in general, I'm guessing Property Management is a varied, but fulfilling field. Due to the poor management of this complex, however, Norman and I have been thrown into the deep end. Here are just a few of the issues we have in our complex:
-Bed bugs (not in our suite - I'd be out in a hot minute!)
-Tenants with substance abuse problems
-Tenants who are so noise - sensitive, they have asked other tenants to sit when they pee so as to avoid noise
-People not paying their rent
-Legit noise complaints, ending in angry interactions
-A steady drug traffic through the property
My favourite issue, so far, has to be the tenant that screamed at us and called Norman and I Diva Bitches.
So what, pray tell, did Norm and I do to make this tenant so angry? Well! Sit down, boys and girls! Here is a story for you.
Once upon a time, in a magical land called Canada, there was a beautiful island kingdom by the name of Victoria. And while Victoria was beautiful, it was also isolated, overpriced, slow-moving, and a little too big for its britches. In Victoria there lived a benevolent King and Queen (property managers, as they're called in this kingdom), who oversaw a small kingdom by the water.
Now this King and Queen had to make sure that all the residents of their kingdom paid their rent on time - something that, while it seems simple and easy, is quite difficult! You see, some of the residents of the kingdom were unemployed, or fallen on hard times, or would rather spend their money on destructive hobbies like drinking or drugs!
One resident decided to repeatedly not pay a full rent. So, the King and Queen decided to give him a legal notice to pay his rent, or he'd have to leave. The resident became so irate, that he stormed down the King and Queen in their humble abode at 9:00 pm, and harassed them and yelled at them. He wouldn't leave, and when they tried to calm him down, he yelled that they were "Diva Bitches" over and over again. He accused them of a hate crime, because he is gay. He harassed them so much that the Queen called the police, who sorted the situation quickly.
And the dramatic, over the top resident paid his rent, and never made eye contact with the King or Queen ever again.
Yup. That is what happened. Go us.
Now, in general, I'm guessing Property Management is a varied, but fulfilling field. Due to the poor management of this complex, however, Norman and I have been thrown into the deep end. Here are just a few of the issues we have in our complex:
-Bed bugs (not in our suite - I'd be out in a hot minute!)
-Tenants with substance abuse problems
-Tenants who are so noise - sensitive, they have asked other tenants to sit when they pee so as to avoid noise
-People not paying their rent
-Legit noise complaints, ending in angry interactions
-A steady drug traffic through the property
My favourite issue, so far, has to be the tenant that screamed at us and called Norman and I Diva Bitches.
So what, pray tell, did Norm and I do to make this tenant so angry? Well! Sit down, boys and girls! Here is a story for you.
Once upon a time, in a magical land called Canada, there was a beautiful island kingdom by the name of Victoria. And while Victoria was beautiful, it was also isolated, overpriced, slow-moving, and a little too big for its britches. In Victoria there lived a benevolent King and Queen (property managers, as they're called in this kingdom), who oversaw a small kingdom by the water.
Now this King and Queen had to make sure that all the residents of their kingdom paid their rent on time - something that, while it seems simple and easy, is quite difficult! You see, some of the residents of the kingdom were unemployed, or fallen on hard times, or would rather spend their money on destructive hobbies like drinking or drugs!
One resident decided to repeatedly not pay a full rent. So, the King and Queen decided to give him a legal notice to pay his rent, or he'd have to leave. The resident became so irate, that he stormed down the King and Queen in their humble abode at 9:00 pm, and harassed them and yelled at them. He wouldn't leave, and when they tried to calm him down, he yelled that they were "Diva Bitches" over and over again. He accused them of a hate crime, because he is gay. He harassed them so much that the Queen called the police, who sorted the situation quickly.
And the dramatic, over the top resident paid his rent, and never made eye contact with the King or Queen ever again.
Yup. That is what happened. Go us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)