Ain't nobody got time for that!

You know, ever since this gem of a video:

My brain has made a pastime of interrupting me. I'll be doing some necessary, but menial task, and all of a sudden, Sweet Brown is in my head like:

Yeah. So here is a list of the top 10 things, for which I ain't got time.

10) Wearing new clothes to the dog park everyday. I take my dog to the dog park EVERY DAY. And every day, there are dogs there. (Shocker, I know!) Dogs that are well behaved, dogs that aren't, puppies, hyper dogs, jumpy dogs….. and at least once every day, I get some dirty front paws placed on either my shorts or my shirt. So….. I ain't got time to look like a freaking fashion plate at the dog park. I'm going to wear the SAME shorts and SAME shirt every day. Deal with it.

9) Have a clean, spot-free bathroom mirror. Yeah…. I own a waterpik. It is a device that looks like this:

whose purpose is to shoot pressurized water at and through your teeth and gums, to remove particles and biofilm. I LOVE MY WATERPIK. There is nothing like it in this world or the next, and if heaven doesn't have a waterpik, I don't want to be there.

Anyway, I digress. Did you hear the part about PRESSURIZED WATER? Yeah. There will always be spots on my mirror. And I don't give a flying freak.

8) Immigration paperwork. To be specific, immigration paperwork in which I have to put down every address at which I lived from the time I turned 18 until now.

Do you even know what that entails?

My theory is that if you actually finish the paperwork, you just need to submit - and the status is yours. If you're willing to jump through that many hoops, then you deserve permanent residency.

7) Lathering, rinsing, AND repeating. Yeah….. I think I pretty notoriously hate washing myself. In my defense, you would too if you had skin drier than the Atacama (see what I did there? Mentioned the driest desert in the world? That's my degree kicking in there….. 7 years of University; ain't nobody got time for that.) So those three words? Pick two. That's what you get. Usually rinsing and repeating.

6) Updating my devices. WHY. I like things the way they are. Why can't you just automatically update in my sleep??

5) Having a real, thought out meal more than 3 times per week. Since coming to manage this property, Norman and I have had at least 1 night a week that is completely ruined by someone with a NON EMERGENCY knocking on our door for our help. So much so that I have now have a sign on there that reads:

"Friendly reminder: Please do not knock on this door before 9:00 AM or after 5:00 PM unless there is an EMERGENCY. An emergency consists of:

-Fire
-Floor
-Injury
-Imminent Danger"

Yeah. I'm that lady now.

4) Folding my laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer. Actually, me and Norman are POOR - like, potatoes and pasta poor - but I send my laundry out. Deal with it.

3) Forgetting my keys. I do this even when I have a key bowl. One of Norman's main functions in my life is a living key holder.

2) Getting gas. This one always irks me. Hence, why instead of children, Norman and I are planning on having a dog and a Tesla. Instead of babies.

1) Maintaining relationships with people who just have a passing interest in my life, but due to some former closeness, thinks they deserve to know all about me. It's just, so 5 years ago. ;-)