An immense and weightless freedom

So.

I'm GRADUATED!

And last week, after my last final, I hopped a plane to LA and celebrated. It was great.

Now, I'm back in Utah. And I'm feeling something I haven't felt for years.

An immense and weightless freedom.

SIGH.

It's like my brain doesn't know what to do with it - it keeps coming up with random reasons why I should be worried or stressed or random things that are looming over me, that are total fiction.

Carefree. Relaxed. Graduated. Me.

Next order of business should look something like this:

If you make it through this post, then you are an AVID reader.

You know, for a long time this blog has been rather lighthearted. It has been somewhat shallow, and frivolous. I've told you about the random things I do, and the random things I've done, and my pet peeves. And if that is enough for you, then you can, with a clear conscience, click the little "x" in the corner of this window, and continue on knowing that, after this post, I will return to that.

But right now, I need to be a little more honest.

I could tell you about how most of what I do and say I do and say because that would continue the image of myself that I portray to the world. And that would be true. But that is not what makes me unique; we all do that. We show what we want people to see, we hide what we don't want them to know. To be honest, I got so good at that image that I totally forgot who I was.

It's been almost 2 years since I came home from my mission. And it's been a great 2 years - fun, and educational, and stable. And it has taken me this long to come to terms with a few things.

First, that my mission was one of the hardest, most humiliating, most awful experiences of my life. I am not ashamed of that; I did it, I did it well, I finished, and I'm proud of it.

Second, that it was the best thing that I ever did. I gained more from those years than any other period of time in my life combined. And multiplied by a power of 5. I gained friends, and skills, and I learned the art of self-control.

But see, that's where the third part comes in.

I got so good at the self control thing that I forgot what I really am - what makes me unique and worthwhile.

I live honestly and passionately.


I learned to kill my passions, my blunt honesty, and my inability to let things I see as wrong pass me by without standing up for what I believe in order to be more likable - to get into people's houses and teach them what I had promised to teach.

Over the past few months, I have rediscovered those passions. That honesty.

I am kind. But I will not let others walk over me. I am compassionate, but I will not let pettiness or unfair judgement transpire in my presence.

I know what I think, i know what I feel, and I know why I think and feel those ways. I like most people, but some people I don't. I will not humor social customs or polite society if it means smothering the fire for life that has been smoldering in me for 3 years.

Because 3 years ago, on easter, I let it almost die out. And now? I see no better way to honor the triumph of the man I believe to be the Son of God than to live my life with all the vigor that he has blessed me.

"So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."


So here I go. Watch me burn. Watch me freeze. Just don't expect me to be lukewarm.

Vacation/Graduation celebration Part 2: california

So here is the recap of what I've done so far in California:

Thrift store shopping (and boy, did I make our like a bandit)

Real mexican food (Tacos al pastor? anyone?)

Ate ice cream for dinner

Ate fresh seafood on the beach

Visited the channel islands national park

Played fetch with my dog

Made a caramel milk steamer

Saw Jane Eyre

Oh, how I love california. Today was delicious, and amazing, and perfect. And I saw a gopher poke its head out of its hole.

Vacation/ Graduation celebration part 1: St. George (2)

Yesterday was a. maz. ing.

So Stooph and I woke up and got ready, and went to eat at the bear paw in St. George - holy home fries! That food was good.

Then, we went back to sleep. I slept for 3 hours, and then got up and drove home.

One of the best sundays of my life.

Just sayin.

Vacation/ Graduation celebration part 1: St. George

Can I just tell you how much I needed a vacation?

I felt like I was going crazy.

So after a really, really fun drive from Provo to St. George last night (I'm not being sarcastic - I had a lot of fun), I went and consumed my body weight in crab at a seafood buffet. YUM!

Then, Stooph and I went to her apartment to watch a movie; 9 hours later, I realized I slept through it.

This morning, we woke up, went to Zion National Park, and hiked the watchmen trail. At the top, we sunned ourselves for an hour on the rocks like lizards.

Then, we went to this amazing little petting zoo in Virgin, Utah, and got to feed carrots to donkeys, alpacas and ponies.

Then, we went to a kite festival.

Then, we went out to sushi and ate 5 rolls of sushi together. And I'm not talking 5 small rolls - i mean 5 gigantic rolls. They were majestic. They had names like "The kilimanjaro volcano" and "the red dragon". And edamame. And mango with sticky rice.

And now, as I am typing this, Stooph is taking a nap. We might go see a movie later.

BEST WEEKEND EVER.

GUESS WHAT?!

I get to keep my job at the MTC.

YAY!!!

This really is meant to be. This whole "me staying in utah" thing.

Being responsible

So.

I feel like I've been pretty responsible. I have no major debt, I have a good income, I work hard, I do well in the things I do.

But for some reason, I just want to play for a few months.

SO I'm looking for a part - time job. In the mornings. So that I can go to seven peaks every day.

Remember that summer? It was awesome. I want to do it again.

Titleless blog

So, I've decided I hate weekends.

At least when you're job  hunting. People seem perfectly willing to post jobs, but not to respond to inquiries. All because it is the weekend.

Boo.

In other news, I've seen lots of movies recently that I liked. Including The Adjustment Bureau, Source Code, The Next 3 Days, and True Grit.

If I didn't know I was a woman, that list of movies would make me think I was a man.

Live like you're dying

Why is it that we have such a hard time remembering to live our lives?

We talk of the things we would do, the way we would live, the risks we would take if we were dying.

What if we only had a few more minutes left to live? What would you do with your last moments on Earth? Who would you call? Who would you kiss? What would you do with those moments?

I try to make a habit out of living each day to the fullest extent. Now, I don't mean just throwing caution to the wind every day and making sure I do something spectacular - but whatever I am doing, do it. Wherever I am, be there. Whatever emotion I'm experiencing, push it through your fingers and toes until your bones vibrate with the intensity of what your brain can do.

I guess that's why people say I'm dramatic. Or that I'm crazy. Or confident. Or anything else that people say I am. But you know what?

At the end of every day, I can honestly say that if it all ended, my list of regrets would be short.

So whoever you are, and whatever you do with your time, just.... don't get caught up in the bureaucracy of life. The paperwork. Call that person you want to talk to. Ask that girl (or guy) out. Take that trip.

And don't just do it because tomorrow, you might die.

Do it because today, you might live.

Who knew I could be inspirational?

LISTEN UP!!!

I just wrote my congressman about this.

http://paycheck-chronicles.military.com/2011/04/02/ensuring-pay-for-our-military-act/

Here is a link. Read a bit, decide if the men and women defending our nation are worth 5 minutes of your time, and drop a line to your congressman.

Here is the website you can go to. Filling out the form is easy. 

https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml

Life Goal: Run away for a day

So.

I was going to go to rexburg this weekend. But it fell through.

Sorry to everyone in rexburg that I was going to visit.

Instead, I thought I'd accomplish a life goal this weekend.

Run away for a day. 

Anyone want to come?

I only require 2 things.

1) a sense of adventure
2) secrecy

anyone in?

The end draws ever nearer

So today, I actually made it to campus! WOO! Go me.

So here I am, doing an assignment for one of. All I have to say is this.

Spring is overrated. Because SPRING is still cold. And wet. So screw you, spring. When you've full sprung into summer, that's when I am happy.



I have a few job interviews lined up. Who even knows what's going on with my life. All I know is that I refuse to be anything but happy and carefree this summer. I'm going to freaking THAILAND. And I'm going to be warm. And soak up every ray of sun that my pasty body will allow.

I know I haven't blogged in a while..... but now I am. And this is what I want to say. Sorry if you're lost.

I graduate in 16 days. I have  more days of class.

El fin se acerca.

Jumping through hoops

So, my roommate Lauren and I have been noticing recently, how little motivation we have to do anything school related. Yesterday, for example, we both were supposed to go to class. But we didn't. Instead, I deep cleaned the carpet on the stairs.

Yeah. I'd rather deep clean the freaking carpet than attend a class.

And so a few minutes ago, as we were both desperately trying to get energy to do the few (but MAJOR) projects and assignments we have left, I realized something.

I've been jumping through hoops.

And I've been so distracted by trying to get through all of them that I never realized that they have led me back to EXACTLY where I was before I started this whole mess.

I don't care about jobs. I don't care about careers. I care about making enough money to do what I really want to do - live a life that allows me the freedom I need.

So thank you, thousands of dollars spent on higher education. I really am grateful to my parents for helping me with that. I just..... wonder if in the end it was necessary. Or even desired.