The ghost of exes past.....

So I recently read a friends blog, that consisted of little letters to her exes.

I wanted to try it. 

The thing is, I posted this already, then deleted it.... it seems my blogs like to create drama. But I've decided to repost, because if you don't want to be reading this, then read someone else's blog. 

Dear G: I'm sorry I ended up so needy by the end of the summer. I'm not that type, I promise. You try to remember who you are when you are absolutely drowning in members of the opposite sex, and when the only members of your same sex actively dislike you. It could make anyone crazy. You were the best first boyfriend I could've asked for. Thank you for respecting my boundaries. And your accent still wins.

Dear P: First, when you finished my sentences, you were always wrong. Second, LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF. Third, don't' even pull the "I'm mad because you treated my like a conquest thing"... you made me chase you for nine months. What did you think was going to happen? And fourth.... you were my closest almost. And the best kisser. Hands down. If you had made me stay, I would've been yours. But the Leah you knew got lost in Armenia, and never really made it out. I'm sorry to say it, but I think I outgrew you.

Dear M:I've spent a lot of time thinking about you. About what we had, about who we were and who we are. And so I just have to tell you a few things. Not because I think it will change anything, because I don't. Not because I'm hoping or wishing for more. Just because it feels good to say it. I've spent a few years thinking that whoever said "it is better to have loved and lost than to never love at all" was full of crap. And now, after more than 2 years, I think I get it. They're right. I've been going on tons of dates recently. And all of them prove one thing to me. I loved you. There is a part of me that will never stop loving you. And, unfortunately, that part is big enough to make it impossible for me to give that much of my heart away again. If I did, it would stop beating. The next time I love, it will have to be less, or it will kill me. So even if you never read this, and even if we never speak again, just let me say this: you are the satisfaction that lasts a lifetime. The amount of love I had for you was enough to last me for the rest of my days. And that I would be happy living a celibate life, knowing that at one point, I loved. I loved you.

Dear B: I thought I knew you, and I thought I trusted you. But if I chose you, we would find ourselves swirling down into an deep, intellectual abyss. I really thought I had you figured out, but I was wrong. After too many lies, and too many stories not matching up, I wonder what really is the truth and what was part of the act. And how many times you've acted before. I think, eventually, we can be friends again. But not now. And not soon. You've betrayed me in too many ways for me to count. 

Dear E: After M, it took me a long time to be excited again. But the first time I saw you, I saw christmas morning. I was excited, and nervous, and challenged, and all the things I hadn't been in so long. I tried for MONTHS to get your attention. I got cute for all the days when I knew I would see you. Turns out, you were not the precious gem I thought you were. As I dug further and further through the blackened coal, I realized - there was no stone. You're just a lump of coal under pressure. No diamond, no ruby. You crumbled in my hand. Maybe you just need time. But I can say, you were the biggest disappointment of all.