Thailand.... in a coconut shell

So debby and i survived Bangkok.... man was that city intense. Never seeing the sky because of pollution, smelly river.... delicious smoothies! And some pretty shiny buddhist temples.

We also took a day trip to Ayutthaya, which was incredible! We saw all the ruins from when the Burmese sacked the city,and also that face in a tree thing. I got to speak spanish all day because the other 4 people we went with were from spain.... it was really fun.

We are now in chiang mai. and it is AMAZING. I feel like we've gone from a tropical metropolis to the jungle! seriously.... I'm in the jungle people.

All is well, everyone is super nice and almost everyone speaks at least functional english....

I am a happy girl!

PS The food is majestic. Never in my LIFE coujld i have imagined that Pad Thai could be so ridiculously good!

Lots of love!


Leah

No this is not a haiku

Other people drive me crazy sometimes.

Imagine the joy of a world all to one's own.

Maybe I'll be a hermit.

I want

People sometimes make you feel guilty for wanting things. That your wants should be swallowed up in helping others. That forgetting who you are should fulfill you in the deepest and most Christian way.

I have one word for those people.

Bullshit.

I do not argue the value of selfless service, or that losing yourself for a greater cause can be the greatest therapy in the world.

But I refuse to cede to the idea that me wanting something makes me evil, or selfish.

So with no apologies, I venture on to the next chapter of my life. And you know what? This time it is all about me. What I want. I’ve given what everyone has asked me to give. I’ve accomplished what everyone has expected me to accomplish. My friend’s and familiy’s expectations have been fulfilled.

And so now?

I want.

I have nothing holding me back. Nothing holding me down. Nothing stopping me from spreading myself thin, from falling in love with as many things and people as possible.

For the first time in a long time, I can wake up in the morning and live my life for me. I can go anywhere, and do anything, and see everything. I can fall in love with the sun as it rises every day, and feel it love me back. I can live my life in color, shooting out turquoise and purple and pink from my fingertips, the ends of my hair.

And so here goes.

I want.

To wake up and be excited to see what the day will bring me.

To live unexpectedly, to fall in love often, to taste and feel and see.

To go places, and live them.

To really accomplish the goals I have.

To never reach my quota of close friends.

To learn something new every day. (How to play the trumpet? How earthworms reproduce?)

To be surrounded by someones, not just anyones.

Someone who can convince me that romance isn’t trite.

Someone who makes me feel calm.

To never try and delay pain with things. But rather to let pain change me.

To never define who I am by what I have, but by who I love.

To live fearlessly.

I guess the point is just those two little words. The ones that make your heart quicken, and your resolve grow stony.

I want.

Why I'm never going on a date again. Ever.

Ok. So I have the most random story. So one of the guys that took me out has turned out to be a COMPLETE PSYCHO. And I do mean psycho. Check it out.

So we had 2 dates, the last of which was not yesterday but the friday before. We went out to dinner, and then we went for a walk. It was super fun. Afterwards, I was kind of excited because I thought he was really nice. Then, every day after that, he called me. Usually I was busy (and uninterested in phone conversations), so I never answered. We planned a date for friday, yesterday. On thursday night, he called again - he bought tickets to go see x-men. While we were on the phone, he was being kind of manipulative - and it freaked me out. basically he told me he loved spending time with me, and I was smart and beautiful and blah blah blah, and I said "thank you". He was like "aren't you going to say it back?"

I was like "no. Here's the thing. I say what I want to say, when I want to say it. And I don't feel like saying that right now."

He got kind of mean, so it freaked me out.


So the next morning, aka yesterday morning, I called him to cancel the date - I was just really weirded out. And he didn't pick up, so I left him a voicemail.

He texted me later, being like "what time did we decide on?"

This is what ensued

me: "did you not get my voicemail?"
him: "no"
me "listen to it"
him "That's so not cool that you let me pay for the tickets"
me "I'm really sorry - I really am. I'm sorry for any inconvenience"
he calls me and leaves a voicemail saying "lets be adults about this, what happened, what did I do wrong, blah blah blah then....

him "that's so not cool. No wonder you're single. You're not even attractive. Just something to pass the time. So are you going to pay me ten bucks?"
me "I really thought i did explain it. I am unwilling to discuss this further. Please don't contact me again"
him "in 3 years you're going to be fat, and this is so not cool. Porker."

So I was at work, and everyone there was like OH MY GOSH. So anyway, I thought it was over, right?

NOPE.

Last night, in the m i8ddle of the night, I got 3 missed calls from 3 numbers I didn't recognize, and 3 texts. This is what they said:

"hey leah I thiknk you;re a little full of yourself. I'm not having a problem at all - I was dating 3 people while I was dating you. Macking all of them actually. I found you the least attractive and just something to do actually. I think it's bullshit that oyu set up a date and expect a guy to pay for it and then you bail IF that is how you roll in california where the boys pay for everything hey that;'s cool. I could care less. You were not a girl I was going to bring home to mamma, she would say "that girl is going to get big and fat, and we don' go for that it my family. Go find a chubby guy to be happily ever after"

"hey chubby stop hididng behind text messages and emails so you didnt' do so well - be a human being actually confront someone. I'm not going to read any more of your little pussy emails. You can't get over the fact that you were wrong. You don't set up a date that costs people moneyand then just bail -and uh not even make it obvious I couldn't even see that text message because I'm not a teenage girl and I don't check my messages 45 times a day. That's cool. you like to hide behind text messages. Next time, ebe a human being and tell them the truth. Like I'm telling you that you talk to much, that you're not attractive, that I was seeing 2 or 3 other girsl who are all hot, fine, and skinny. I hope you enjoy that. Peace out biatch."

"Listen cankles you're getting annoying - send one more message and I'm going to report your little ass because I don't want to hear from you anymore. You're kind of like a liar, which if you were hot it would be okay because hot chicks get away with that crap. But you're not so now you're just annoying the hell out of me. So stop sending messages cankles."

Best part? You read the last message I sent him. Ever. It said not to contact me. So I think he was drunk when he called me. no big deal.

The police said if he calls or texts one more time, that they will go and tell him to stop.

Yeah. I didn't even know people like that existed.

I don't know why, but I'm legitimately freaked out about this. Like, last night, I woke up all in a cold sweat and shaking, scared he was going to show up at my house.