You know, for a long time this blog has been rather lighthearted. It has been somewhat shallow, and frivolous. I've told you about the random things I do, and the random things I've done, and my pet peeves. And if that is enough for you, then you can, with a clear conscience, click the little "x" in the corner of this window, and continue on knowing that, after this post, I will return to that.
But right now, I need to be a little more honest.
I could tell you about how most of what I do and say I do and say because that would continue the image of myself that I portray to the world. And that would be true. But that is not what makes me unique; we all do that. We show what we want people to see, we hide what we don't want them to know. To be honest, I got so good at that image that I totally forgot who I was.
It's been almost 2 years since I came home from my mission. And it's been a great 2 years - fun, and educational, and stable. And it has taken me this long to come to terms with a few things.
First, that my mission was one of the hardest, most humiliating, most awful experiences of my life. I am not ashamed of that; I did it, I did it well, I finished, and I'm proud of it.
Second, that it was the best thing that I ever did. I gained more from those years than any other period of time in my life combined. And multiplied by a power of 5. I gained friends, and skills, and I learned the art of self-control.
But see, that's where the third part comes in.
I got so good at the self control thing that I forgot what I really am - what makes me unique and worthwhile.
I live honestly and passionately.
I learned to kill my passions, my blunt honesty, and my inability to let things I see as wrong pass me by without standing up for what I believe in order to be more likable - to get into people's houses and teach them what I had promised to teach.
Over the past few months, I have rediscovered those passions. That honesty.
I am kind. But I will not let others walk over me. I am compassionate, but I will not let pettiness or unfair judgement transpire in my presence.
I know what I think, i know what I feel, and I know why I think and feel those ways. I like most people, but some people I don't. I will not humor social customs or polite society if it means smothering the fire for life that has been smoldering in me for 3 years.
Because 3 years ago, on easter, I let it almost die out. And now? I see no better way to honor the triumph of the man I believe to be the Son of God than to live my life with all the vigor that he has blessed me.
"
So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."
So here I go. Watch me burn. Watch me freeze. Just don't expect me to be lukewarm.
Carefree. Relaxed. Graduated. Me.