Top 10 things that make Canada weird

I've always felt that lists were very inspiring. You may find them clinical and boring, but guess what? This is MY blog. We do what I want here. So I'm going to make a list. Deal with it.

Top 10 things that make Canada weird. (To an American).

10) Everyone is too friendly. Like, you're at a mental institution friendly. Maybe all of Canada is just one mental institution…..Maybe we're all truly just shuffling around in our bathrobes….. we're like Australia to the brits, but instead of exporting the criminals, they exported the crazies….  Come to think of it, most Canadians I've met have been annoyingly positive. The kind of people that makes you want to kick them in the shin, just so you can prove that not everything is sunshine and unicorns.

This guy's probably Canadian. Look at that silly bathrobe.

9) How expensive things are. I get it - your dollar used to be not worth as much. But guess what? It's almost the same as the US dollar now? So WHY are you paying $7 for a gallon of milk?


8) How acceptable sleeveless shirts are on guys. Don't get me wrong- sun's out, guns out. I'm all for it. But why, on a COLD day, do canadian men bear their blindingly white arms for all to see? I'm at a loss.

7) How incredibly hard it is to come here as an American.

Didn't it used to be easy? What happened to those good old days? Seriously.

6) RCMP uniforms. Nuff said.

5) Maple flavored EVERYTHING. Don't get me wrong - maple doughnuts are the best doughnuts. If you think differently you're wrong. And I enjoy the maple flavored treats. But WHY? Why is it on your flag? If I understand correctly, your main exports are lumber and things you import to Vancouver cheaper than Long Beach and then ship south to the US of A, so…… why?

Don't believe me? Visit Everthing Maple. It's a real site.

4) No one sings the national anthem with pride. In the US, when we're asked to sing our anthem, there is a pretty respectable howling that comes out of the crowd. We may be overweight, gun-slinging crazies, but we will sing the HECK out of our national anthem. I went to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police's musical ride last year, (yes. That is a thing.) which not only sounds, but truly is the most Canadian thing out there, and NO ONE SANG.

I was in shock.

And that brings me to my next thing.

3) The Royal Canadian Mounted Police's musical ride.

Basically, the Police in Canada have a fancy horse riding show. It's important, and coveted, and you can, like, meet the riders and their horses afterwards. These people are mini-celebrities.

It's weird.

Here is a video of what it is all about:

Yeah. It's a thing.

2) Calling the letter "Z" "zede". If you're speaking french, than COOL. Otherwise, WTF?

1) Poutine.

For those of you that don't know what Poutine is, here is a description from Wikipedia (yes, I know Wikipedia isn't a source, but this isn't a peer edited paper, and I do what I want.):

Poutine is a common Canadian dish, originating in Quebec, made with french fries, topped with a light brown gravy-like sauce and cheese curds.

Sounds good, right?

WRONG!

YUM! Congealed color of a "light brown" color and unknown flavor on soggy fries!

First of all, I'm all for putting things on french fries - for example, carne asada and guacamole!

However, a gravy that is described by a COLOR and not a FLAVOR are not a good option. Gravy shouldn't be "light brown", it should be "chicken", "pork", or "beef".

And then - cheese curds. Or as I like to call them, cheese cruds. They're basically the humiliated part of the cheese. Just let them die in peace.

And the best part? Canadians are so proud of it they want to make in their national dish.