Forget what happens when it's all over; what about when it all starts?

Sometimes, when I hear about the things that are going on in the world, I want to move to the mountains and have a herd of goats. (A flock? What do you call a group of goats?)

When I hear things like what is going on in Egypt. Or Lybia. Or in DI.

Combine that with the fact that I read the ENTIRE Hunger Games trilogy this weekend (Hunger Games on saturday, all of Catching Fire and part of Mockingjay yesterday, finishing Mockingjay this morning), and then throw the bizarre, colorless weather in the mix, and I have been in the strangest mood.

Now I'm sure it doesn't surprise any of you that I hate winter. And that I have a rather dark side to my personality. And that sometimes the first causes the second. And so this morning, on my way to school, I found myself carefully considering the people who surround me, rating them on an unspoken scale of violence and death; how much of a threat would this person pose? Could they overpower me? Outsmart me? How much remorse would I feel at killing them if it were me or them?

Then, thinking about all of this, I wonder how long it will be until some entirely unthinkable reality becomes my own. For us to reach the point of instability, violence, and fear where our lives as we know it are threatened.

Don't you think it would be hard to be the first generation living in the new way? 

I do. 

this is a vague one...

So this is possibly one of the most traumatic weekends of my life. Without going into too much detail, or basically while remaining sufficiently vague, this is what happened:

1) I accomplished 2 overdue life goals
2) Got my nose rubbed in the dirt - figuratively
3) Worked FAR too much and had my nose rubbed in the dirt at work (figuratively again)
4) Had my men's choir perform a number
5) Got behind on my book of mormon reading
6) got the worst grade I've gotten on ANYTHING since I've been home from my mission
7) got in an epic fight with my roommate
8) Got debased in a situation where I thought I was in control

Awesome. Happy valentines day everyone.

Gotta just follow up on that....

So, I decided I do want to talk about it. And I'm giving my biased version, because that's all I can give.

So I've been on two dates with this guy, so I decided to invite him to the huge group date that my roomate and her boyfriend were planning. It's the logical solution, right? So I invited him, and he told me that he had a ward temply trip, but that he could be there by 8:30. So I was like "cool!" and it became the plan.

So everyone starts to show up, and make these high-falutin gingerbread houses with sheds and cool roofs and towers, and I became the frosting wench; (making a delicious and gluey substance out of butter and sugar is not as easy as it seems) time begins to pass. 8:30 comes and goes... 9:00....9:30.... I finished my gingerbread house, and then headed upstairs. you see, it takes a lot for me to get embarassed. But I attended a group date at my house where my date didn't show up.... in front of a bunch of people I didn't know. Awesome. So I went upstairs and texted him. No answer. at 10:00 he texted me telling me he was JUST getting out of the temple..... and then he called me and left a message flippantly apologizing and saying that "he hoped I had a great time.... he certainly did!" Okay. I know it's bad to get mad at someone for going to the temple, but if you knew that you were going to be late when you were going into the session, you should have just texted before you left the locker room. Or better yet, don't say yes to a date you can't come to! Or don't tell someone in your apology message how much fun you had standing someone up on the date they invited you to. Unless of course you're TRYING to piss them off or are completely unable to comprehend the HUMILIATION involved in getting stood up in front of 12 other people.

So I'm mad. And I'm going to let myself be mad for as long as I want.

My genius roomate fixed everyting with Del Taco though. Man. No WONDER she make it into the business program.